Because then I wouldn't feel so bad....

3 weeks in and we're feeling the pain of not being able to communicate. Last night we went to a Chinese restaurant for dinner (in Bocas del Toro - where we've been for 3 days now). I don't think anyone in the establishment actually was Chinese but that's still what it called itself.

The menu was presented and as with Chinese places the world over we were presented with a menu which was comparable in size to the complete works of Shakespeare. Not to be defeated we ordered some beers (we have at least learned the phrase "cevesa" during our travels). Further study of the menu didn't really render much hope apart from the fact that I identified "chow mein" which I thought might make a nice side dish to share. When the waitress came we decided to chance it and order with our fingers crossed....

This was a mistake.

When the meal finally came we discovered we had ordered the following:

• Strange crisps - sort of the Panamanian/Chinese answer to poppadoms I can only assume
• Spring rolls - traditionally these are filled with beansprouts and other things. In this part of the world bean-sprouts are hard to come by and so the Panamians are using a bean-sprout alternative: cabbage. I don't consider it an unqualified success
• Beef with rice noodles - a slightly bland main course for Lisette
• Chow mein to share - but after a mouthful I decided it was better to leave it
• A plate of fried rice. This was my main course. I distinctly heard the waitress cackling with laughter to herself as she strolled off. ("No tip for her", I thought at the time)

Depression and determination arrived in equal measure as I determined to eat the plate of fried rice. However, after many a forkful I finally had to admit defeat ... It was that or be riced to death. What a way to go.

We're now off to stay in our "eco-lodge" for 2 nights - out in the middle of nowhere!

It'll definitely be a change from Bocas town which is essentially full to bursting with young Americans ever in search of an "alternative lifestyle" - mostly expressed in the form of beads, bongos and piercings in unusual places. They have managed to furnish me with a second wooden wedding ring though (to replace the one that went under the bus in David). It 's a little on the unusual side this new wedding ring - it's in the style traditionally worn by "Ming the Merciless" (all you Flash Gordon fans). Though the I should say that the outlandish style of my new ring does not appear to have intimidated Lisette in any way - as yet....

In fact it's quite a nice town - particularly if you like dogs. (I do!) There are many many dogs that leisurely stroll the streets here, occasionally pausing to beg for food, stretch or scratch for fleas... There's one in the hostel where we're staying that sleeps underneath the sofa. It's also a nice town if you like vultures. Huge ungainly birds that stroll the roads looking like huge threatening bald ravens. I haven't seen them picking at any carcasses as yet - perhaps they live off rejected chow mein from the Chinese restaurant...

Take care people!

John and Lisette

Heard that song? Well that´s me (and Lisette) right now We signed ourselves up to do some white water rafting yesterday with a dutch girl in our hostel called Petri. The people doing the organising told us that the river was somewhere between the "6th and the 9th most dangerous in the world" ..... but that due to favourable weather conditions and rainfall recently "we should be fine". A little worried but still confident we signed up and set off early the next morning. It was at this point our guide started telling us things like "if you get caught underwater you should consider whether you want to die or break a bone to get free". Marvellous. By the time we actually got in the water it was with a large number of reservations and no small amount of fear. These fears seemed quite well justified once we´d been through the first couple of rapids and come fairly close to drowning. It was at this point I noticed that the strap that was supposed to anchor my left foot to the boat was missing... And that I was developing cramp in my left leg as I furiously held fast to the side of the dinghy for dear life... But I´ll not over-egg this story - we survived. We got sunburned. We got eaten by mosquitoes. We drank plenty of river water. We fell in the river. We were thrown in the river (our guides could be politely described as "mischievous"). We got scratched, bruised and battered.... but miraculously we didn´t die or suffer extensive injuries! But we hurt so much. It´s now about 24 hours since we finished and I feel I´ve aged about 70 years. I know what it´s like to be old now. I´ve had the sneak preview. Ouch. On the plus side we have at least picked a good spot in which to recuperate. Having spent our first 48 hours in Panama comparing the place to Gotham City on a dark night we have now reach a very pleasant spot. It´s like a Swiss mountain town but without the Swiss. It´s a village high up in the Western Panamanian hills called Boquete. I highly recommend it! Ít´s coffee country and we´ve toured a nearby coffee plantation and done a coffee tasting session. My sanity is definitely returning! I´m now off to have a Latte in one of the nearby cafes - at the respectable price of 1 US Dollar... thank you very much! I don´t think this place will stay like this long though. Americans that don´t like paying taxes have discovered this place with a vengeance and as I write this they are tearing down local coffee plantations to build gated communities. Bit sad really. Hope to bring you more cheerful news in our next missive, John and Lisette

After 7 hours on an overnight bus from Panama City we made it to David (pronounced Dah-veed) this morning. Slightly eerie journey - we were woken at 2am to show officers our passports. Then at 4am I had the surprise of my life when I stirred to see a golden retriever padding past me in the aisle of the coach... I can only assume that it was on some kind of unsuccessful narcotics hunt since no-one explained (even in Spanish) just what was going on. Eventually he/she was retrieved by a man in a uniform with a very big truncheon by his side. At the time I had other worries though as hypothermia was beginning to set in. The drivers response to the heat and humidity outside appeared to be setting the air-conditioning in the coach to "stun" and to hell with the passengers. So as the journey continued all that could be heard up and down the coach were muffled curses and chattering of teeth But we made it! Arrival at 5:30 am was slightly traumatic though as my wooden wedding ring went for a wander under the bus, never to be seen again... Now on the market for another wooden wedding ring - glad I only spent 3 dollars on the last one Thought I´d pass on 2 snaps from the wedding we´ve just received: Lisette looking frankly stunning and me looking in need of a good rest... Take care peoples!

Hola Amigos! Well, last time I mailed you it was from the comfy environs of Antigua where pelicans woke us each morning as they fished for food outside our villa. Times have changed! We left Antigua after a week, handed in the keys and caught a plane to Puerto Rico. Pleasant enough place, despite it being officially a "US territory" not that many people speak English (problem since that´s all we can speak!) Despite that we packed in some fun-filled adventures: 1. we explored "Old San Juan" - a very picturesque place 2. we hiked through a rainforest 3. we went to the Bacardi factory where they make all the rum - essentially this was one big advert in the name of Bacardi but the drinks were free... Shame I don´t like rum

Now some of you may know that Lisette and I decided not to take our wedding rings with us when we went away in case they were lost or (more worryingly) stolen. But rather than travel "ring-less" we hooked ourselves up with some wooden wedding rings - well to be more accurate Lisette wore her wooden engagement ring and I bought myself a 3 dollar wooden ring which I was really rather taken with. We caught the plane last night to Panama and landed about 7pm. We caught a taxi from the airport to where we were staying that night in Panama City - an area called "Condida". The hotel looked a lot worse than it had in the picture I saw when booking. The room was the very definition of "barren" - basic furniture, curtains that wouldn´t open, windows that wouldn´t open, no hot water. All in all, a bit depressing. So, to lift our spirits, we decided to go out to dinner. After 3 minutes of walking we´d realised that we didn´t like the neighbourhood that much. No streetlights, bars on every door and window, worrying people looming in the distance - scary. It´s worth bearing in mind that I lived happily in Brixton for 4 years or so - an area that many don´t regard as salubrious. This place made Brixton look like Butlins with balloons. I´d like to tell you that things improved in the clear light of morning. They did not. It´s some measure of the way we now feel about Panama City that we consider it´s probably unsafe to wear even the wooden wedding rings now. And in fact we have decided to cut and run. I type this missive from inside the Gran Terminal bus station just outside Panama City. We´ve got tickets for the 2215 overnight bus to David (pronounced Dah-veed). We´re leaving and we´re not coming back. Consider this an all points bulletin on Panama City - if you have any love of life and love of self then I recommend you avoid this place like the plague. We were lied to by the travel book - we can only hope that Boquette (where we go after David) is an improvement on this. I do have high hopes - it is coffee country and apparently we can visit the plantations.... fingers crossed! Adios, John and Lisette

One love people.

The weather here in Antigua has yet to dip beneath 30 degrees. As a result I am pretty much a limp rag doll for much of the time but Lisette is absolutely loving it!

We've been watching pelicans fish each morning and flying fish jump from the water (prior to getting eaten) as well! You'd think they'd learn but alas they don't.

One surprising side affect of arriving in Antigua is that both Lisette and I have gone from not sleeping at all to developing some strange offshoot of sleeping sickness. Our favourite catchphrase of the moment is "I'll just have a little snooze" - we're averaging about 20 hours sleep a day at present

Lisettes ability to make friends in all places as ever knows no limits - we got to go to a *very* lively Antiguan church with Roxanne (one of the girls that works here) as a result of one of Lisette's "friendly chats".

Despite that, to our surprise the Antiguans as a bunch don't seem to be the most cheerful people going - one is rarely greeted with a smile... As a result a new game has been formulated called "make an Antiguan smile" - it's actually quite easy to play and remarkably rewarding!

Yesterday we went on a "Catamaran" boat (we think) to Great Bird Island. We then felt a little robbed when we discovered not a single bird on it at all! We did meet a friendly family from Darlington though.

One heart,

John and Lisette